Oh my lord, Ishida Akira-san's totally taken over my brain. ♥♥♥ I'm listening to yet another BLCD with him... he makes the yummiest uke ever! The crying, the whimpering, the helpless "iya"s, "yada"s and "yamete kudasai"s... I wish I had a boyslave of my own to chain up and molest. *_*

I want to drool over the art that goes along with it (01 02 03, links ganked from this lj comm entry) but unfortunately I'm at the school library and people are constantly passing by. >_<

Guh, didn't do my rough draft in time to go over it with the professor after all. I guess I'll just work on the paper and hope for the best. I have Monday off after all. =D Yay for religious holidays (?) and Catholic schools!

Mom's been trying to get me to attend masses with her. I'm wondering if telling her I'm agnostic now would help or worsen the case. It's strange it worked out that way. I actually wanted to be a priest when I was younger, and wanted even more to attend a Catholic stayover school I visited back when I was in junior high. I was *so* regretting not being male then, since, of course, it was an all-boys' school. *pout* Damnit, I thought the penis envy phase was when you're 5-7 (or something). >_<

Ah! Is that Okiayu-san I hear in this drama? =D *character has just gotten punched by the big bag seme for mistaking uke for a girl (and hitting on him?)* |

Sometime during college, I've crossed the line from having a procrastination problem to a complete phobia of writing assignments. My paper's due in a week. I have to finish it by tomorrow night if I want to have the prof look it over. I had all weekend to work on it but stopped midway through the question presented, which, mind you, is the first sentence. It's not that I don't want to do it early or I had anything better to do. I just... can't seem to do it. I start thinking about how convenient it'd be if someone shot me or ran over me so I wouldn't have to do the assignment, but most likely, it'll only get postponed. --;;; I need counseling, damnit. I'd settle for a Playstation though. |

I take back the stuff I said in my last entry. I was called on today... was very flustered... if I could still feel such an emotion, I would have been burning with embarrassment. The prof stuck with me all lecture long, and I proceeded to make a complete ass out of myself in front of my classmates. Oh how I miss the anonymity of large public schools. But at least it was the last class of the week. Maybe people will have forgotten about it by Monday. -_-;; And hopefully this will help me get serious again. I haven't done any reading in about a week, making me from being ahead to lagging behind.

I should send out a few emails, too. I keep putting it off. The only thing I do now is obsess over TeniPuri and stalk other fans via livejournal. >_< I'm getting more and more isolated as time goes on... don't even go on AIM anymore. I wish I knew how to draw pretty charas or cute lil' chibis. *wistful sigh* So many beautiful fanarts out there... if I had the talent, I'd draw nonstop.

Hm... I can't find my microphone. I wanted to record myself sing all of a sudden yesterday. But it wasn't where I thought it was. Must go home and clean... maybe it'll turn up. My room's gotten progressively messier and now there's clothes on the floor and draped over the dresser. Ick. >_< But I must do some reading first. Erk.

Nahmool, esca, and linna seem pretty down lately... and with good reasons. I feel for you guys... ganbatte ne, with your various problems. |

Tired. Miss being at UCLA. First week of school, I was able to dload anime, but they seemed to have raised some sort of block after that. Can't connect with BT. T_T Can only download at home at what seems like a snail's pace - been spoiled for too long. Stupid DSL setup. Can't even use the Internet in the comfort of my own room. Forsaking uninterrupted sleep so I could download Prince of Tennis 81-85 was SO not worth it. The episodes were totally boring and sucky, and the teams I favor keep losing. ;_; Of course, part of the reason I favor them is because it's patently obvious they're going to lose. Ah, talking in full sentences again. Or maybe not.

I had this weird dream that my brother made a contract with a schoolmate that he wouldn't consume certain products - including bottled Arrowhead water - for some paltry amount... and that he broke his promise and was now being sued. And I was thinking up arguments why there was no consideration... and looking for statutes that would void the contract in some manner. -_-;; Argh. Last week, it was something about torts. I've taken a disliking to torts. It seems so capricious and some of the holdings (and the rationale for them) seem so flagrantly wrong, legal or not.

Life has been rather quiet... but that's a good thing, I think. Although a bit of obsessive-compulsiveness leads me to lose a day or two with absolutely no productivity, I think I'm still doing okay. A lot of the people that the profs call on seem really out of it. They're all confused about the facts of the case and the ruling... sometimes I'm tempted to label them stupid. -_-;; But then other times, I feel totally intimidated by how little I know about how the world works. I'm in the very small minority on people who came straight from undergrad... and I've always been on the oblivious side anyway.

Nahmool... for some reason, I can't seem to add a tag to your blog... T_T Anyway, ganbatte ne. We all go through our starving college student days... at least your room's all pretty! Or will be once you arrange everything. =P |

Listening to nahmool shop for dorm stuff makes me want to go shop too. I'm getting my room back at the end of the month, so I've started to draw diagrams of how I want to rearrange the furniture. I think I'm going to throw out/give away as much stuff out as possible, and pack the rest in boxes. Nothing annoys me more than dust collecting and hardening in tiny crevices. Of course, if I dusted more often, it wouldn't do that anyway.

I need to buy a replacement lamp. Have needed one (though not urgently) for a few months. But being the picky bastard that I am, I want the exact same small black desk lamp from IKEA I bought over five years ago, which I can't find online. I hope they haven't stopped carrying it.

School starts next week. I've decided that with the amount of tuition I'm spending, I'm going to make the most of the experience. I'll study my little brains out, network as much as my social ineptitude will allow me, and most importantly PAY ATTENTION to what's going on around me. I'm way too dazed and out of it all the time.

Nahmool's getting all into jekki again. Especially Jiwon, which I don't get since she calls him scruffy all the time. But then I make the most fun of Suwon so I guess I can't talk. I'd finish my jekki fics, only I'm too busy doing nothing. --;;; I don't even know where all of my Sunday went. I remember moving around the house, trying to find a cool place to read/sleep. I seem to fall asleep whenever I have free time. |

Wai~!! I got *nyam nyam* yesterday. ^____^ It was well worth the two year wait. It's so absolutely gorgeous I'll even forgive nahmool for not letting me be the first to see it. Not liz though. I can't forgive her for being at home to receive her copy first. *glares at liz* Hehe...jodan da yo. Honestly though, nahmool's so creative and talented and adorable and funny and squee~! I want to make her my personal slave to make stuffs for me. Or at least to glomp her. *^_^*

Now that I'm done embarrassing her... fulawar, you've blogged! T_T I've missed you. And I meant to show you my pic, I really did. Only I didn't have enough time to Photoshop a paper bag over my face. ^__^ I'll show you for sure next time you're online.

Taking the 134 shaved almost 10 minutes off my morning commute. Yay! Driving no longer makes me so tired I flop into bed as soon as I get home, shower, and eat. It's kind of fun, too, although I might think that only because I've just finished watching Initial D. I wish I knew more about the mechanics of car sex, so I could write a fluffy/slightly ecchi Keisuke/Takumi fic. Or maybe Ryosuke/Takumi. That scene where Takumi says he automatically turns red (i.e. blushes) whenever he's around Ryosuke was SO cute, maybe because he's usually so oblivious to everyone and everything around him. It doesn't hurt that all three characters have Weiss seiyuus, either.

Fanfics make me happy. I wish I could get motivated to enter that world again. |

Yay! Nyam Nyam is done!! I can't wait to see it. ^___^ I've waited a long, long time for it. I should be doing something creative, too but I probably won't. Meh, as nahmmy would say. I bought a 4-lb bag of Jelly Bellys from Costco yesterday. I didn't realize just how many flavors there were though, that are undeserving to be eaten by me. I think I'll just pick out the ones I like and give the rest to my mom or something.

I'm not sure I want to get LASIK surgery anymore. I've talked to two of my friends who've gotten it, and they seem pretty happy and encouraged me to go ahead with it. But then I read the description of the procedure and it freaked me out. I didn't know you had to be awake for it. Damn my horrible eyesight. I wish I took after Mom's side of the family.

Lately, I've been saying all this unnecessary stuff to anyone who'll listen. I'm like that mumbler from Fudomine. -_-;; I used to feel more comfortable with only responding to people's questions, but now I just ramble on about lame things and feel incredibly stupid afterwards. I should stop that. So endeth this entry. |

I'm mad at my parents, in my quiet "I seem to be ignoring everything you're saying but I'm actually seething inside to the point of holding an internal monologue about how much you're pissing me off" sort of way. My dad picks the stupidiest shit to complain about. He told Mom last night to turn off the TV so I could sleep, which I thought was really unfair because if the situation were reversed, he'd tell me to watch all I want. He *has* done that, actually. So I told him honestly that his voice was louder than the TV and that it wasn't bothering me so leave her alone. He starts ranting about I hate him when I should be all grateful, and how I gripe every time he opens his mouth. I was partly at fault here but it's all the everyday little shit that's starting to get to me. Even the son-who-could-do-no-wrong has gotten into rifts with him.

When someone says something called, oh, THE TRUTH, he just raises his voice argumentatively, thinking that he's being attacked and not even listening. He doesn't stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, he's the one at fault and should look to changing himself instead of bitching at people for not blindly taking his side. Then he expects us all to be mindless drones that obey his every command. He goes on a full-blown rant if one of us refuses a piece of food he offers, even if we're full, or already had some earlier, or just don't like it. He doesn't know how to use the computer properly and screwed up all three in the backroom, then blamed the kids for it. They ruin keyboards, not the actual CPU. Nothing is ever his fault. He's just the victim to ungrateful children with damnable minds of their own. Stubborn ass. Call me a cold-hearted bitch, but I don't see anything to like about him.

Mom annoyed me this morning by saying I should go see if I could still attend some law school that she heard about, simply because it's really close to home. I mean, fuck, if I wanted to go to any dinky school, I'd have gone to that one in the mid-west. It was offering great scholarships. And at least I'd be away from here.

Part of the reason I don't want to enter law is because I've realized something. I'm not cut out for the high life, schmoozing with people that attended private schools and had maids all their lives. It's not really a money issue. It's more that my parents are backwards and chonseuruhwuh. They still sometimes take showers outside, pouring cold water from buckets on their bodies. I know it's a private area and that kind of stuff is acceptable in Korea but this isn't Korea. It's just embarrassing.

*sigh* I was angry starting this entry but now I just feel tired and mildly depressed. Hm... it's past 8 now and no one else is in. Is this a holiday I don't know about? Anyway, I finally got around to watching LotR: Two Towers last week. I have to say... I can see why everyone, regardless or age or gender, thinks Legolas is the best. He gets ALL the good parts. I don't know why they bother having other characters at all. |

Taking this time when no one else is in yet to blog. ^_^ I love coming in to work. I was "sick" last Thursday, so it's been 5 whole days since I've been here. *huggles work computer* Being at home is not as fun as it sounds. It's hot and my mom nags me to tutor the little brats. And I always have to yell at them because they don't listen to her, or their grandmother (my aunt). I don't know WHY anyone would want kids, EVER. Any extended period with them, and they get way too comfortable and show all sorts of irritating brattiness and idiocy that makes me want to beat them. Okay, not really. I'd rather just ignore their very existence, much like I do with vegetables. -_-;; But still, living with them reaffirms my belief that no good will come of (me) having children in the future. Unless they were naturally perfect, they'd be the most neglected children ever.

I've been going out more often than I did during the school year, which says nothing since I was such a shut-in. It's mostly because my high school friend, who I had virtually no contact with during college, wants to go out a lot and doesn't have anyone else to call, now that she feels she can't trust her former best friend, is estranged from her best guy friend, and can't count on her nursing buddies. So she just drags me everywhere with her. Maybe I should be annoyed or something, but instead, I decided to introduce her to a guy friend of mine to see if anything comes of it. Then she'd have a drinking buddy and won't try to make me go.

Much as I hate to admit it, it IS pretty sad how girls act. They (not "we" I'm not a girl, haha. ^^;;) think it's okay to flake on each other, but they wouldn't even think of it on guys they don't even like. It's so fucking annoying when they claim they don't like doing [insert activity here] and then you hear about them going out with some guy friends doing that activity. And when you ask them about it, they're like "Oh, well, they just wanted to do it. I just went along with it." Um, yeah, we kind of wanted to do it too. That's why we asked.

Well, that's a rant that'll never end, so moving on... FFnet wasn't working for me all weekend. I don't read as much as I used to, but I still like to look for specific couples. Right now, I'm totally into Mizuki/Yuuta... they're the reason I stopped thinking Prince of Tennis had the most annoying characters ever and started to like watching. Too bad most of the fics are Tezuka/Fuji, which I don't get since Tezuka is BORING and doesn't even talk. Oh, how they've wasted Okiayu Ryoutarou-sama's beautiful voice. |

Work has been exceptionally slow, ever since they redid the website so it's database-driven. Any idiot with no understanding of html can post up events and stuff, and so one of my main duties has been shuffled off to others. I just go in, look at the few emails that have gathered overnight, download anime, chat for 4-5 hours and then go back home. It's kind of like that Seinfeld episode when George isn't sure whether he's been hired or not so he just shows up to work and hangs out in his office doing nothing. I would've thought they want me to leave by now, but no, they want me to stay the rest of summer if possible, even though they hired the new web guy. I think if I put in my resume, I could've gotten the job. I wasn't sure before, since I'm such a ditzy slacker, not to mention unprofessional, but some of the higher-ups were telling me how they wanted me to stay and how easy I am to work with.

So now I'm feeling confident about my ability to get a decent job, even in times of less than stellar economy. Even if I accrue an atrocious amount of debt going to LLS, I'm sure I'll be able to pay it off easily enough. I've had pretty good luck when it came to taking care of myself anyway.

There's nothing of real interest to note (but I'll write more anyway --;;). My graduation and birthday were not depressing, as I had feared they would be, mostly because I kept them low-key. I hate it when people make a fuss over me for no reason (being born or sticking through 4 years of school are NOT special achievements in my book; they're to be expected). I get all embarrassed and self-depracating. But anyway, that's over and now a whole 6 weeks of summer stretches ahead with nothing to do. That's the longest break I've had for years and I'll probably waste it lounging around home, if Mom lets me. She wants me to continue working and tutor kids and stuff. At least she agreed I wouldn't need to work during the first year of school. I think I'll be depending heavily on my parents and brothers for tuition, which kind of bugged me at first, but there's no way I can pay my own way. Besides, they're the ones that really want me to go. I would have been fine with just a B.A. Gah, and I was getting happy about the prospect of never writing another paper again.

I need to buy a car soon. And a cell. I don't want to do research for either so I'll probably just ask for a recommendation from my brothers and just get whatever they tell me to. I don't want to drive though. Even when I was little, I went around telling everyone I was going to take a taxi everywhere. Nahmool should come be my personal chauffer, but then, I can't leech off her hefty income when she becomes a doctor/researcher.

Oh yeah, thanks to the people that left me comments up till now. ^_^ *huggles all* I never reply because I'm pretty sure no one clicks on the links to check for one afterwards. But... Sedai, if you're still reading this, I'm glad you found the postings interesting, but I don't recall ever writing about that song. Or any song, for that matter. I'm not really much for lyrics, which is why I listen to Japanese songs that I don't even attempt to understand.

I hope I don't forget my Japanese. I've already forgotten most of the Korean vocab I've crammed this past year. I really don't know what the point of college was. I was going through my old notes and throwing stuff away in preparation of moving out, and I couldn't make heads or tails of the material. Part of it's because I didn't pay attention in the first place and had very sparse notes, but even if I didn't, I don't think any of it would be relevant. The only thing that's of any use to me now is the html and some computer-related stuff I learned, and that was all out-of-class. I don't think college prepared me for the real world at all. What it *did* do was provide me a place to be and structure in my life for four years while I matured. Or got less stupid, anyway.

Geh, my complexion's all shitty for some reason. It's not like I have anything to stress over or anything. It's not even that hot. The weather's rather cool in the mornings. Sometimes, I wonder if all those earthquakes have shifted SoCal into the Southern hemisphere, so that our seasons are getting switched. Winter seem to come later and later each year.

I should go shopping soon. I need a swimsuit in the slim chance that I *do* go to Catalina Island. I need to lose some tummy fat, too. I've been eating and snacking more than usual. It's strange though. I feel like I'm losing weight the more I eat, and getting fatter when I'm dieting, like I can actually feel my metabolism slowing down. But then, I always did like thinking the opposite of everyone else. Well, that was a long and pointless entry. I'll go now. |

Fucking shit. I got into a law school. Now they'll definitely make me go. T_T On the up-side... I guess I don't have to look for a job after all. |

I'm so fucking annoyed with my roommate right now. She's been playing her stupid guitar and singing since I came back two hours ago, which makes it impossible for me to study or do anything else. Instrumental noise isn't something I can phase out. I thought she might get the hint when I lay down in bed, trying to read, and then sleep, but no... she's still at it. And my other roommate is outside watching TV and talking in her loud, nasal voice on the phone... I needed it earlier and told her so politely but she made me wait while she continued to yap away. JEEZ.

People always get so inconsiderate toward the end of the school year. If I had known they were all going to be around, I would have gone home. As it is, all I can do is put on my headphones, blast the music up so high my eardrums are hurting, take deep breaths, and remind myself that I won't have to put up with this shit for much longer. I know it's sometimes noisy at home too, but since it's family, it's tolerable.

I have only one more week of classes, then finals. Then graduation. I bought my cap and gown yesterday. I'm glad it's plain black, not the magenta-y red atrocity the girls had to wear in my high school commencement. The tassels white, not the blue and/or gold which I expected. Nice. A person has been found to take over my lease starting July and I've mentally tagged things I can take home early.

I still haven't looked around for a job yet. I figure there's still time and something will come up. Something *has* come up already. They posted a job for web administrator at my workplace - my old boss' job before they let him go. Since it's a lot of the same stuff I'm doing now, and one of the people involved in the interviewing and decision-making told me about it, I guess I have a good shot at it. Five other people, including the aforementioned boss that was let go, told me to try for it since I have no other plans, to buy me some time while I figure out what I want to do. I definitely don't want to do anything technology-based for a long-term job. It seems like such an insecure and unstable thing to do.

It may not pay that much (after all, they deleted and recreated the position to save on the budget) but there are a lot of pros I can think of. It's something I'm used to, and fairly easy, so I can be taking civil service exams and looking at other jobs while holding this one. I can sign up for classes on access or comp sci on their money, thus picking up potentially valuable skills. Plus I'll have something more than secretarial duties to put on my resume, which I have to completely redo. And of course, no one will mind me downloading anime all day.

The cons... I disliked the way they handled firing my old boss... it was not only sad, but humiliating to him. Since this will be strictly a temporary thing, the possibility of losing the job at any time isn't the problem, but the harshness of being fired will be be a terrible blow to my pride, regardless of the reason behind it. Who wants to be told they're not necessary, and in fact, a financial burden?

Also, there's the great possibility I'll slack in a job-hunt if I have one now. Since money isn't that great a concern for me, I'll only think of switching jobs only when the working environment becomes intolerably irritating. Those two shitty excuses for student workers was the reason I looked for a new job and left the old counseling office for my current one. Otherwise, I probably would have stayed there for yet another year. I guess I'll just... not do anything and see what happens. I think my lack of ability to make a decision has been getting worse. My thinking is that if I wait long enough, they'll hire someone and the choice will be taken away. Or they won't and someone, either my parents or brothers, will tell me what to do. *I* certainly don't know.

Mm... I hope nahmool is having fun on her walk although she really doesn't need the exercise. Oh thank God. My roommate has stopped with the guitar, I just realized. *lowers volume to usual level* Why is it easier to blog about something that pisses me off, than something that makes me happy, anyway? In any case, I can start memorizing my lines for this stupid skit I have on Monday. Oh the joy. |

Hisashiburi, minna. It's been a while since I last blogged... my bad. I keep starting out and then not having enough time to finish, being the slowest blogger EVER. I've still been keeping up with reading other people's though. Esca, a belated omedetou gozaimasu on your turning even older. ^^;;;

It's turned hot again. I guess it's time to pull out the skirts. I want to go buy some now. I think I look better in them than in jeans or shorts anyway. My feet are so ugly though. It makes me self-conscious to wear sandals. I remember people used to tell me I had pretty feet, but now... ;_; I blame it on the two years of my shower sandals chafing wet skin in the stupid dorm showers. Now I have no pretty features. T_T

We were doing a chapter on physical features (and personality traits but who cares) in class a while back. How depressing. If I don't have to think about it, it's not a problem. But no, I had to see how other people saw me, and consequently started scrutinizing and assessing my appearance in the mirror. I got uglier since I entered college, even though I slimmed down a tad and dress better now. I stopped wearing shorts with hoodie pullovers, anyway. ^^;; At least... outside the house.

Graduation's really close. I think college has been a very isolating experience, at least for me. I haven't forged any really close or lasting friendships ('cept nahmool!! *muah*). I'll probably go back to hanging out with old high school friends once I move back home. It feels kind of like I've wasted my years and gained little in return, but for someone like me, time is nothing of value. I want to shorten my life, anyway. And of course, because life is one massive irony, I'll probably outlive everyone.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Mm. I was going to say this is the first layout I truly did everything myself, since I screencapped each of the pics, but I realize I got the go board bg from somewhere else. Anyway fulawar, let me know if you want me to burn you Hikago. I know it's a pain in the ass dloading with dialup. I'm also starting to get HxH but looks like it's seriously lacking seeds... so it might take a while to get it all. I think I like the manga better though - Kurapica's seiyuu irritates me to no end.

Actually, I'm getting kind of tired of (watching) anime altogether. I think it's because it's too much all at once. I was watching Gundam Seed today and the number of characters and new terminology made my head spin. But everytime I think I'm ready to stop watching anime altogether, I discover a series I can totally get into. Last time it was Full Moon... right now, it's Shaman King.

I know this isn't long enough to appease nahmool, since I was supposed to blog several times within the last few weeks, but I've really got to get going. Watching Matrix Reloaded, which I heard wasn't as good as the original. But then, it never is. Ja ne. |