Friday, December 12, 2003 | 09:25 p.m.

Quick note. You no longer need an invite code to join livejournal. So anyone's free to sign up. ^_^

Wednesday, December 3, 2003 | 11:08 p.m.

Life sucks. But who cares about that.

Nahmool, dear, check your email. Then sign up for livejournal so I can leave pitas for good.

I love livejournal. I love being able to hop from one LJ to the next and find lovely things to read or download. I love how easy it is to find people with the same interests. I love interacting through the entries and getting instant notification in my inbox when someone comments. I love that I actually *do* get comments to what I write, even though I'm still pretty much of a quiet lurker. I love being able to know what random person has found me interesting enough to stalk. I love not having to wonder who's still reading my entries or not. I love being able to post a gazillion quiz results behind lj-cuts and not lag up the loading of the page. I love being able to save links to entries I'll want to look back on. I love being able to control who gets to read what entries, although I haven't exercised that option yet except to post a few private, for-my-eyes-only entries. I love that I can delete everything I posted some day in the future if I feel like it or make it all private. It may be superficial socializing in the guise of a journal rather than a place to post serious, pouring my heart out about what I'm really going through at the moment entries, but hell, it's fun.

So yes. For the other... uh... 2 of you who still read this blog... you might want to update your links to http://livejournal.com/users/nagibook. Or not. Unless you have a LJ of your own, you'll be stuck with just a lot of pointless anime (almost exclusively Prince of Tennis at the moment) fangirling, as all the personal/real life stuff is going to be under a friends lock. And who knows. I might change my mind and run back here again when the allure of LJ wears off and I want to go back to being unknown and asocial.

It's sad to admit this but everyone's drifted worlds apart. No one seems to care enough to keep in touch.... I did email fulawar and drop a comment in kara's blog recently... and got "I miss everyone"-type responses from both... but it just made me realize it's not ever going to be the same. And all the nostalgia in the world won't bring it back. Even with nahmool, things seem a bit strained and distant... even though we've actually talked a few more times on the phone and don't seem too scared to contact each other that way... I miss those daily 3-4 hour chats, sometimes staying up until daybreak... and still having too much things to say before signing off despite having talked to each other the day before, and the day before that, etc.

I don't want to leave nahmmy behind, ever. So hopefully, this will help us still keep in touch. So sayonara, pitas. If any of you others want to join me on LJ, let me know. I can probably bum off a few more codes.

Oh, and in case any of you were curious, I'll still regularly visit here here, and here, as I've always done. I'll visit the others whenever I remember to, since my subconscious doesn't seem to like non-pitas URL and I often forget to check them. >_< Another reason LJ is better. It's 100X easier to keep track of your friends and see the entries as they're posted.

The only thing I'll miss about blogging here is making layouts because damnit, I'm starting to forget all my html. But expressing my individuality/creativity through user icons is amusing, too, and tons easier. Besides, I can always force donate layouts to other people. >=D

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 | 01:14 p.m.

Finals looming near. People are scary~

"Did you do your crim law outline?"

"No, not yet. I was working on my outline for torts. It's 34 pages long. How long is yours?"

Cripes. His outline is 34 pages. 9_9 *feels very very worried* I haven't even started on mine yet. I'm just going to die, aren't I? I have a feeling this is going to be the most trying period in my life... everything rides on first year grades... and more specifically first semester grades. If I do mediocre here, I'm completely doomed for the rest of my so-called career. DOOMED.

[/melodrama]

Eh, I suppose I'll feel more worried in a couple more weeks but I'm more fixated on other, inconsequential things right now. Like having to be funny now for any future fanfics I write while worrying about characterizations that don't match what other people see. It was better when I didn't read other fans' discussions of a show/character/pairing and just wrote blindly from whatever *I* saw. Or at least flying under the radar so that even if my fics sucked, no one would even remember it or know who I was.

It's good to see people blogging again (*coughfulawarandesca*). Although... people don't seem to blog unless it's about bad stuff so maybe no news is actually the best news.

Tuesday, November 4, 2003 | 08:44 a.m.

Tiredness and stress is starting to hit me. I half-wish I could fail my finals and flunk out, only whenever I start thinking that way, I get irritated at myself and feel like slapping myself. If I really wanted to do that, I should never have started school in the first place and saved on tuition and expenses.

But the thought of doing this for two and a half more years... going on to practice and keep focused every single day so as not to screw up majorly and get sued for malpractice... that's fucking scary. I barely know what the hell I'm doing now and it's only going to get worse. I wish I was working at some 9-5 job, 5-days a week job with evenings and weekends off to do whatever the hell I want. Who gives a rat's ass about ambition? My ambition in life is to be as depression-free as possible.

I feel so tired. I went to bed as soon as I got home yesterday and could barely get myself up to eat some dinner... at 11:30 at night. I would have just slept through if Mom hadn't woken me... and I realized I hadn't had anything to eat that day because I didn't have the time. Or some shit like that anyway. Bed is so warm and comfortable... the rest of my room is near-frigid with the coming winter.

The day's barely started and my eyes sting so badly because they want to be shut, not staring at my computer screen. I want to pull a Rip Van Winkle and go to sleep for a hundred years... not deal with anything. ~_~ I'd hope it was Thanksgiving break already but that'd mean I'd be going crazy, preparing for the finals around the corner.

I feel like I'm going to get into a car accident sometime soon. Not only do I occasionally spazz out on things like checking rearview mirror before making lane changes, the damn windshields fog up like crazy in the morning and the sun's SO in my eyes... I couldn't see 30 feet in front of me. I don't know where my shades went. Car stalled out again yesterday but forgot to tell parents because I was so freakin' tired my brain shut itself down. I was able to restart it (the car, not my brain; that's still broken) but should mention it anyway. It won't be good if it breaks down in the middle of the road this weekend, as everyone's going off on a trip until Tuesday and I can't count on third brother for shit. Whee. More things to worry about. Really, they should give out 'get out of life' cards.

Sunday, November 2, 2003 | 11:42 a.m.

I stayed up late watching back-to-back episodes of Law & Order: SVU, followed by Primal Fear, which I've wanted to see since a magazine article ~6 years ago. Of course, this practically guaranteed that I'd have disturbing dreams about demented sexual predators, preying on the innocent. *yawns* I only got to see about half the movie before going to bed though; I can't stay up until 4 a.m. like it's nothing anymore. They're replaying it later this evening but the ending time conflicts with The Simpsons so I'm not sure which to watch. Young Edward Norton is so cute. I want to ruffle his hair and give him a hug.

Most likely, the parental unit will take over the TV set with Korean programming and I'll be too unmotivated to go to the backroom. Even if they're not, I probably won't watch. It's strange how much effort it seems to take to keep track of the time... go out of my room, turn on the TV and flip to the right station.

I'm trying to decide whether to get the Prince of Tennis 2004 calendar. The thought of Sakaki, Mizuki, and Shinji doing God-knows-what under an igloo is hilarious... but the only scan offered was one of Ryoma. Hm... two week's worth of gas or a year's worth of amusement and sparkly rival school prettiness? >_< Damn frugalness when it comes to own self. Damn exorbitant s&h rates.

Livejournal is really fun... there's practically hourly updates once you find enough people you want to stalk. Hotmail has been really retarded lately. It won't let me login a lot of times. FFnet has found a new way to annoy me. It keeps automatically closing the browser instead of loading the page, which made me twitch because it took me five tries to get into a story I wanted to read. ~_~ Sleepy. Gonna go take a nap now.

Thursday, October 30, 2003 | 06:57 p.m.

So fucking tired. I swear, there needs to be more hours in a day. Or some way to make me focus so I can finish my readings without giving up precious, precious sleep. ~_~

Just checked friendster to take a short break. Ex-roommate wrote me something about another ex-roommate of ours writing "interesting" things about us in her xanga. Considering how many roommates and drama we went through in two short years, there's... hmm... 3 possible people it could be. XD I must talk to her soon so I can read shit written about us. *is a complete masochist*

Honestly, I'm not usually good at making enemies. I'm usually so quiet that people hardly notice I'm there at all. And I like it that way. I used to wish I could be invisible so I could just listen to people talk without having to contribute anything or feel awkward about it.

On the verge of a good angsting session. Just lacking a catalyst. I should never ever delude myself into thinking that I'm happy. It sets up expectations and then I flomp back way way down. Hungry, now. Probably won't eat until another hour. Bad, constantly eating so late.

Mom keeps trying to stuff me full when I'm at home, saying malnourishment will weaken my body and I'll get sick. I haven't so much as had a cold in... over two years, I believe. Dad tells me the key to good health is exercise and tells me to walk around the neighborhood or work out in the garage. He says if I'm not careful, I'll get a gut like Mom. ;_; When he said that, my mind added, "Or like you" because with the exception of one brother, my family does seem predisposed to tummy flab. Scary~

After he said that, I looked in the mirror and started thinking, yes I kind of do look chunky around the waist. But the weekend before that, I was thinking I should put on a few more pounds since I'd gone down to 101-102 lb. range. I don't know what to think. Stupid distorted body image. I hate you. XP It should be one or the other.

Okay, actually that doesn't really bother me since it's not like I have anyone to impress and wearing cute clothes counteracts the feelings of unattractiveness. ^_^ *is being preppy with button-down and knit sweater-vest* Back to readings now. *sigh*

Wednesday, October 29, 2003 | 12:51 p.m.

I thought the morning would never end. Honestly, time hasn't moved so slowly since high school. I was staring at the red seconds hand of the clock as it made its revolutions, counting down the minutes. Over two hours of property, followed by the contracts. Of course, I hadn't done the readings so I was slouched down low in my seat, hiding behind my computer screen and hoping not to be called on. And luck-y, I wasn't.

Nahmmy's so cute. ^O^ Well, I always knew that but felt like saying it again. *licks pictures* Okay, not really. But only because it'll make streaks.

Happy right now, and not in a manic way for once. ^_^ Basking in the afterglow of having finished my first anime multi-parter. I'm going home early for once so I can maybe nap and download Fullmetal Alchemist 4. Mom promised there'd be curry. :9

Thursday, October 23, 2003 | 05:45 p.m.

T_T Car won't start. Battery's probably dead. Trying to jump start it didn't work. So now I'm stuck here for another 30+ minutes, waiting for Mom to get off work so she can pick me up. Dad says he'll come replace it tomorrow. I don't want to come back here tomorrow. T_T My classes are cancelled so I was looking forward to sleeping in and mooching around. Car was fine when I got out this morning... I didn't leave the lights on or anything... how was I supposed to know? I'm all worried this will happen again and be a hassle, and I won't know how to prevent it.

Dad apologized for not being able to get me a new car. I didn't really care before but I felt a little embarrassed about my old, used car (which was really dirty as well ;_;), sitting next to shiny new car of classmate that it was connected to. Why must I go to school with a bunch of rich people? It makes me feel bad.

At least I was able to find someone I knew to ask right away. I'd feel even more like a loser if I couldn't. Gah... all depressed now. I was feeling pretty good again, too. ;_;

Generally feeling like crap. All the little things adding up. Someone just shoot me and get it over with already.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003 | 06:31 p.m.

How retarded. Pitas ate entries... and I've been so good about blogging recently. But since pitas has been pretty reliable for nearly 2 1/2 years, I'll forgive them. It also gives me a good chance to start fresh.

My eyes hurt. I haven't slept or even blinked very much the past three days and the skin around them feel tense. I feel very sluggish but not quite sleepy, although I'm sure I'll be out like a light the second I hit the bed.

I've been at school for over two months now and I only know a handful of people from classes. I don't really want to socialize or get to know them better. I'm content keeping to myself and doing my own thing. I'm at a phase right now where I think I'm so much smarter than most of my future colleagues and scoff at their intellectual inferiority. Then I go home and brood about how much I'm starting to hate the TeniPuri fanficdom instead of doing case briefs.

>_<

Most recent fics in the Prince of Tennis section of FFnet:
Golden Pair, TezuFuji, Golden Pair, MarySue, TezuFuji, TezuFuji, MomoRyo, FujiRyo but sounds like MarySue, TezuFuji, TezuFujiRyo with some Golden Pair on the side, TezuFuji, TezuInui (well it's different at least), TezuFuji, TezuFuji, MarySue, Golden Pair, MarySue, TezuFuji...

Since I'm rather partial to odd and random pairings, I'll ignore the part where there seems to be absolutely no basis for any of the Tezu/Fuji/Ryo romantic combinations, at least relative to their seemingly closer relationships with various other characters in the anime. Instead, I'll focus my rant on the fact that you'd think the anime consisted of only five characters.

One of the best parts about sports anime is the HUGE cast needed to make up all the rival teams, and there's a wide variety of personalities and looks to choose from. I understand rivals are minor characters with less screentime and thus less is known about them but it boggles my mind the extent to which they're ignored. There was absolutely no mention of them in the any of the fics in the entire first page (okay, I'm just assuming since my brain would completely short out if I actually read all of them).

I blame it on the idiotic fangirls. The ones who automatically review a fic if it has their favorite popular pairing, no matter how crappy the writing is with their "Yay for Tezu/Fuji! their so cute toegher11"s. And I should know. I've tried reading some of them since there's no other pairing to read about. It pisses me off to see those crap-fics get praises and much better written rival school fics get ignored. No wonder people would get discouraged from writing anything but the most popular pairing.

$#*(@)&%@)*(

I'm so annoyed that I'm tempted to inflict my wrathful thoughts at the fanfic rants community. >=( But I might be stepping on a lot of toes and I don't like attracting drama. *sigh* And there are a lot of non-annoying fans I've seen who do adore and write/read almost exclusively about Seigaku.

Well, no one ever said I had to stay in the fandom if I don't want to. I probably *will* find something new to obsess over soon. If I don't, I'm going to end up hating Seigaku when I liked them just fine before, despite them being far from being my favorite school. Maybe I'm just resentful because I wish I could like the popular pairings, too, so I would have new fics every day to read and squeal over.

Geez. @_@ I just thought we were having another earthquake but it was actually this rather *cough* large female walking by. I'm so sad. -_-;;; But seriously, the ground was shaking.

^__^ I got my hair trimmed this weekend so it looks nice and neat. And I'm wearing a cute new top that shows off my tummy. If it wasn't for my glasses, I wouldn't look too nerdy!

Yum. I want some tacos.